Hello, I’m sure that if you’re like one in five people between the ages of 12.560001 and 24.24106 I’m sure you’ve wanted to plan a revolt against something in your life. Whether it be, your cat who continuously poops in your soda cans, or maybe it could be your landlord who expects you to pay for your rent. (I’m busy becoming a famous rap-star on the internet, I can’t spare any time for your payments.)

Well, if you wanted tips on how to properly revolt against the higher powers in YOUR life, here is a few steps on how to do so, as a gift from me. Just me. Because I’m such a nice guy. And if you agree, call 944-444-2460 to tell my mother you think I’m nice. (Fuckin’ bitch)

1. Grow a Ponytail

Alright, this one might seem a bit silly, but it’s extremely important. Ponytails are extremely intimidating, have you ever seen a man with a ponytail you didn’t want to bow down to? Yeah, me neither, it’s human nature mother-lovers. Take at look at the only revolutionary I know, Adolph Hitler, he didn’t get to keep the reich going for a thousand years like he intended, just because nobody took him seriously. He didn’t have a ponytail. But do you know who did have a ponytail? Me. And I’m doing pretty damn good. So Me > Hitler, got it?

Eitherway, it also will give you magical powers growing the ponytail, if you have seen Disney’s movie Tangled you would know that very well. It’s an easy weapon that can heal the bloody world. You could make the world kneel, or give you handjobs to heal their sick child or puppy. SO GROW A PONYTAIL NOW!

2. Don’t read up on anything about Revolts.

You see, you’re already a failure. Good luck dying asshole. Nah, keep reading. Wait don’t. You know what, you shouldn’t be in the revolt business anyway, you don’t know anything. NOTHING AT ALL! So just jerk off until you die, you unneeded waste of sperm. I’m just going to kill you myself.

3. Go to Burger King with Ramin Karimloo and Hadley Fraser

Who knows Les Mis better than the guys in it. They’ll let you know what to do. That show is all about how Revolts work, and that’s a smart show. It has emotions and shit. I once had an emotion, but then I found out it was just a stone in my penis. It felt like things. But I didn’t know what things. So I killed myself.

And that’s it. Good luck buddy.

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PhantomHatMedia is proud to present to you: THE MISERABLE! A modern day retelling of Victor Hugo’s immortal classic Les Miserables. The film is starring/written/directed by Jess Daniels of xXJessWorldXx’s Musical reviews. The film also welcomes some new upcoming faces into the wide way.

The filming of the movie will start in Mid-April and will continue up until the beginning of August. We are all excited for this project, but we need your help. We need to have hype for this movie, so we know we have an audience. So if you’re reading this, then post it everywhere! Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook, send it to your friends, family, strangers! ANYONE! We want to entertain as many people as possible with this little project, so please help all of us out.

If you want to stay updated on this project, you can like this Facebook page which is updated regularly:
FACEBOOK PAGE

Why should you do this? What are you doing this for? What’s in this movie? I’m glad you asked!

- A dog named Gavroche

- A Crashing Barricade of Furniture

- A heartbreaking love story

- Closest adaptation to the book since 1995

- Victor Hugo’s seal of approval! He came and told me he likes the idea. I swear.

- A beautiful leading lady named Jonathan.

- A lot of hard work and an entire summer going towards entertainment for you. So please, try to give back a little. Just a little bit of spam all over facebook is worth it, don’t you agree?

Thank you for your patience and goodbye.

-Jess Daniels

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Hey look at me! I’m complaining! WHEE!